I saw a cartoon in which a woman is reading her college alumna magazine. She has a distressed look on her face. Her husband tells her that if she wanted to feel good about herself, she should not have attended such a prestigious college.
So I attended Vassar, a prestigious college, I am told, and now I wonder, "What did I accomplish in my life?" At age 62 almost 63, I am entitled to review my life. And quite honestly, I don't think I actually accomplished anything. Yes, I know, having a child counts for something, but I mean something more famous-making, like writing poetry or starring in a Broadway play.
I always feel as if I am starting over...over and over again. Now I am a Zen student, and starting over seems to be a prescribed thing to do. But starting over to do what?
My husband Brad has a photo of an old man sitting in a lawn chair, blowing bubbles through a big bubble-making holder. He is the picture of total joy.
Can I do that? Can I surrender all ambition and just be happy?
I can think of a few things you have accomplished - like growing a great big warm heart that you share with everyone - like walking the path of awakening. What could be more wonderful?
ReplyDeletewell i like the idea of being happy together ( this includes of course mistakes and all the rest). having no idea what this means or how to do it - just feeling our way...
ReplyDeleteafter all, only a buddha and a buddha.